Today's News: 11/01/08 (an alternative reading)

ON THIS DAY you suffer from Hippopotomonstroesesquppedaliophobia
All students have become AVON ladies
to earn some extra ca$h
meanwhile
transvestite factory workers want
their leading roles.
He's on his mid-life gap year and sporting a new blonde hairdo.
"Afraid of crossing the road Sir? Ahh yes. Im afraid it's a case of agyrophobia."

ON THIS DAY throwing sweets to children is just too perilous
How tragic!
She has forgotten to brush her teeth
and now has a moustache.
The public loves to hate the actress
who plays porn star* in new type-cast role.
Drag routines cry out: 'enforcing charity will only kill kindness!'
"Afraid of bathing Madam? Ahh yes. Im afraid it's a case of ablutophobia."

ON THIS DAY scientists uncover a new language: Dolphin-Speak
Whilst Alsatians
show upstanding heterosexual respectability
the Brit police
must
learn alien languages to help celebrities
suffering from bipolar disorder - go figure!
"Afraaid of the number 8 Miss? Ahh yes. Im afraid it's a case of zemmiphobia."

ON THIS DAY take the laidback Antipodean approach
He's depressed
with the outcome of his last movie
(not his fault)
He a recluse. Let her keep her moustache!
He's eating his way to obesity. Let her forget to brush her teeth!
"Afraid of a tearful leader young Master? Ahh yes. Im afraid there is a name for it.
You'll have to refer to USwebsite.com"

ON THIS DAY max temp. 10 degrees C